Early January marks the tradition for many of us to think about New Year resolutions.  The dictionary defines a New Year resolution as “A promise to yourself or decision to do something, especially to improve one’s behaviour or lifestyle in some way, during the year ahead.”  Although not for everyone, I like to *attempt* to make and keep at least 3 resolutions for the year ahead.  Normally my resolutions would be around the clichés of:

• Exercise more
• Eat more healthily
• Learn something new

But more recently, I have tried to make these more meaningful to me which prompted me to share some resolutions around grief that might be useful.

Here are my 5 Grief Resolutions for 2020.

1. Talk about it

When you feel ready, talking can really help the process of grief.  By saying their name, remembering them and talking about them, you are helping to share your love and affection for that person.  This is something I do regularly with my family.  I bring my friend into the conversation – a picture of her, a song or a memory that pops up on Facebook.  We can claim it and talk about it and raise a glass to her – especially at significant times such as anniversaries, Christmas and of course new year.

2. Write it down

Something that I have picked up during the last 2 years is writing in a diary.  I had a diary when I was younger but it became a bit of a chore and something that I just didn’t have time for.  Since I experienced loss and a big change in my life, I have found huge comfort in writing.  Just a few lines at the end of the day – things that I’ve achieved, things that I’m grateful for.  I’ve now kept a diary for 2 years and it has really helped to look back to 12 months previous to see how far I’ve come.

3. Remember them

When you feel ready, think of ways to remember and celebrate those you have lost. This is very personal and must be led by you, but there are lots of ways to positively channel your grief and how you choose to remember and celebrate your loved ones. You could do something physical such as participate in a challenge or run in their memory – there are so many charities that offer challenge events to raise money for a charity – choose one that means something to you. Closer to home, you could plant a tree or flower that reminds you of them.  At the celebration for my friend, we gave everyone a packet of Forget Me Not seeds to plant.  They flower every year around her birthday and is lasting reminder of her.

4. Be kind to yourself

I am guilty of putting on a brave face when I’m feeling terrible inside and doing things that I feel I ought to rather than what I want to.  When you are grieving, putting yourself first and doing what feels right for you is so important.  The power of saying ‘no’ can work wonders and listening to your body following its lead will help.  It’s not rocket science, but eating well, resting (even if you can’t sleep) light exercise and being out in nature are all ways to nurture yourself and help you to give yourself time for the grief process to unfold.

5. Ask for help

As the award winning picture book ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse’ by Charlie Mackesy says when asked what the bravest thing the Horse has ever said, the Horse replied “Help”.

Reaching out for help is brave and difficult and for many, unfamiliar.  However, there is a wealth of different types of bereavement support available with groups, therapists and charities able to help you.  For me, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has helped me not only with my grief but also coming out of a stressful work situation and helping look at challenges in a different way.  For a list of accredited CBT counsellors in the UK, click here.

For more links to support, go to my Resources page.